It's been more than 48 hours since my last cigarette, before all those who know me say 'again' with an inverted exclamation mark, I refer you to the title of this post!
Now I don't know if I've really ceased smoking, I have struggled for seemingly eons to but always seem to wind back to square one! This time, its a little different though, I don't know how to explain it but I'll give it my best shot!
We've all had this one person in our lives about whom your friends say is the worst thing that has ever happened to you, right?
Remember how you could see that they had a point but you never seemed willing to break off the bond?
Finally, you just sit up one day and realises how silly you've been, and silly isn't a strong enough adverb! Then you start questioning your relationship and you find it begs for more questions than answers!
From then on a seed that was planted in your mind, by your loved ones, is watered and starts germinating. Your life changes and it's more clearer what you have to do and you see the next best and logical action is to sever the relationship before you start fearing the reaction!
Well that's what happened, on Friday last week at around 7 pm just before I boarded a matatu town from Chiromo, I had lit a cigarette and was almost half way through when the vehicle arrived. I looked at the thing in-between my fingers for what seemed like minutes but were in reality seconds.
In those seconds that were minutes I sort of heard every voice that urged me to quit over the years that I ignored, I started to feel my brain water ( figuratively speaking, see above) and a thought climbed it's way from the deepest recesses of my mind.
I felt my mouth move and the words that came out were, "Just stop!"
I flicked it away and didn't bother watching it land, I just boarded the matatu and tried my best not to look back or question myself.
Now the reaction.
It'll be a tough road ahead, I've been suffering a headache and my chest is tight and apparently there are more withdrawal symptoms to come.
I hope this time I'm strong enough to fight them, I saw somewhere that to help you beat the a addiction, you find a way to keep your mind occupied, expect to see more posts from me then :)
Before I go, one symptom I'm yet to suffer is crankiness, be warned the next time I meet some of you on the street or at the local, I might be full blown cranky. I ask for your forgiveness in advance.
